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Welcome to the Jungle

April 11, 2010

Welcome to the Jungle

Welcome to the Jungle

I just reviewed a film where the hand held camera works really well creating an atmosphere and this film tries to do the same thing (as Blair Witch Project and Cloverfield) only while failing miserably, at best.  The only good thing about this film would have been if they has Guns ‘n’ Roses version of Welcome to the Jungle, but that might have ruined that song for ever.

The story has a little promise when it starts out, or more likely when you read the back of the case.  A group of young adults head into the jungles of New Guinea in search of Michael Rockefeller (a real Rockefeller) who went missing in New Guinea in 1961 where he was presumed dead, but never proven.  The story is based on the legends that have come out of the area that he didn’t actually die but instead was living with the indigenous people and people have claimed to see him from time to time.  The group of young adults leave to try and find him after one of the alleged sightings.  That is all that is good about the story.  It just becomes insanely bad with a bunch of bitching and whining by the characters and them doing lots of stupid things.  And that is before getting to the dialog which is among the worst that I’ve ever heard.  Imagine the semi-scripted MTV reality shows and how bad that dialog is, and then imagine something five or six times worse.  Literally, twenty seconds into the film I was waiting for the end when I knew all the characters would die, which they did thankfully.  If you insist in watching this film, I recommend the first twenty seconds, so you get proper hatred for the characters, and then the last two minutes when the last couple of characters are killed.  That is all that you need to see to enjoy the film.

The acting is simply atrocious.  Of all the main characters, I can’t come up with a single one that even does a decent job.  They over act all the time and while the dialog doesn’t help at all in giving them anything to act with, it wouldn’t have mattered if Charlie Kaufman, screenwriter of Adaptation and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, had written it, the acting is simply that bad.  I have a very good reason for hoping that all the main characters would die.

The direction is terrible as well.  Jonathan Hensleigh, who did direct a somewhat underrated film in The Punisher, probably shouldn’t be allowed to direct again after this travesty.  Visually this film is just annoying.  They try and give it more of a real feel by using the hand held camera, but it is a film, and even when you want it to look real, it has to have some merit, which this film has none.  It is just nauseatingly bad.  And not because it shakes so much, it just doesn’t help the story at all shooting it this way.

When you hope that the characters die, you know the film is bad.  Some films can be so bad that they are great, Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus or Shark Attack 3: Megalodon, but this one is simply bad with no laughably redeemable qualities.  I’d never suggest you watch this film and don’t even recommend it to your enemies, this is a punishment that no one should have to sit through.

Entertainment Grade: F

Critical Grade: F

Overall Grade: F

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One comment

  1. one of the worst movies i’ve ever seen.



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